Over the Top

So this past weekend I went to Women of Faith with my sister. I attended the conference a few years ago, but she never had, and neither of us had been to a Friday morning session so we knew we were in for an experience.

Needless to say, Friday morning dawned early. We drove my boys to their preschool (30 minutes from our house- the joys of living in one town and working in another!), grabbed some yummy Chick-Fil-A breakfast, and faced the beast of Dallas rush hour traffic head on.

It actually wasn’t that bad for a change.

Day one- ready to go!

We arrived, found the best parking space ever (no really, it was good) and headed into the sea of women already at the door. I kind of felt like Dory in Finding Nemo- “just keep swimming…” Anyway, after a timely move from one line to the other, we made our way through ticketing and purse checks to the seating, which was at the time, general admission. As a result, we had front row seating. Awesomeness.

Lunch anyone???

Friday featured Patsy Clairmont, a pintsized (like I’m one to talk) powerhouse of proverbial wisdom, as well as author Andy Andrews. What a combination!  After coming off of what had been a fairly emotional week, I was reminded through Patsy’s words and then convicted by the Holy Spirit that I have the ability to control my emotions, that God has given me a will that is stronger, and that feelings don’t have brains. She also advised that thoughts should be harnessed, lips be sealed, and was the librarians new best friend with the recommendation to read. Andrews, through masterful storytelling, reminded us of the importance of who we are, and that even when we don’t see it, the imprint that we leave on others now will be felt down the road. Both offered sound advice during a Q&A session that afternoon, which was one of my favorite parts of the day.

During our dinner break, Target called our name; first for water (I felt like a camel in the desert) and second for a second jacket for me (…and a penguin in the arctic). We then met my handsome hubby to switch cars and exchange introductions with a friend of his involved in a start up. After a quick dinner, we returned to the arena and found our “real” seats. They looked like this:

Not too shabby!

Friday evening featured Lisa Welchel, who spoke on friendship followed by a Mandisa concert, which was pretty awesome in and of its self. The songs were soothing and uplifting, a timely reminder that God is in control, no matter what our personal circumstances may bring.

Saturday highlighted Brenda Warner, wife of former NFL QB Kurt Warner and her amazing story (I can’t wait to get her book via Booksneeze- please hurry Mr.Mailman), Sandi Patty, who of course sang, and our personal favorite, Amy Grant.

My sister and I, especially my sister, were some of the biggest Amy Grant fans ever when we were kids. We memorized every album we had in our house, sang the songs in our grandparent’s church and fought over who got to sing what verse.  Unfortunately, we were devastated when she divorced as that was something that was forbidden in our home (we have awesome parents). So we closeted our love for her, never turning back… until Saturday. Not really. We both continued to like her music, again, my sister more so than me, but who can resist a good “Grown Up Christmas List” done by Amy Grant? Not me! That said, Grant did an acoustic concert Saturday afternoon, which was very relaxing after our lunch, and was also a fun trip down memory lane for my sister and I.

Listening to Amy Grant, our childhood music fave!

Marilyn Meberg then spoke on cravings, and then event ended with a recap by all the speakers each driving home their individual points of interest.

All in all, I had an awesome time. It was great to spend some time doing something out of the ordinary, especially since it meant being with my sister whom I rarely see. We laughed at ourselves when we couldn’t figure out what the end of the designated hash tag meant, rolled our eyes at family issues, and deepened the bond of sisters that existed between us. Who knows, maybe we’ll go again next year- it might be even more “Over the Top.”

Surviving the Seasons

Weather used to be something that people employed as a conversation starter, small talk of sorts when there was nothing else to say. These days, it is a legitimate topic of interest, something that impacts us all. For me, this entire year has often seemed to mirror the seasons outside my window, each one being that of mere survival, making it from one to the other, holding on tightly, anticipating what may be around the next curve.

Our year started with a winter in our area that brought some weather that was extremely cold, shutting down our entire metropolis for several days. Personally, this year commenced bleak and cold, winter’s icy tendrils attempting to overtake more than just the outside world.  It was also a time of rebuilding, restoration, renewed hope in spite of the circumstances that surrounded as we ended our journey of infertility treatments following my second miscarriage and entered the foster/adopt path.

Spring arrived early, almost before the devastation that winter had wreaked could pass. It too was a time of anticipation as we prepared for our potential children, decorating their room, putting the crib together, dreaming and imagining what our life could soon be. It was a time of completion as we fulfilled all the requirements to be a foster/adopt family, receiving our license, permission to become parents via this avenue.

Summer too dawned early bringing with it a scorching heat that was relentless and has not yet seen relief. Hot days became hotter, becoming almost unbearable at times, often to the detriment of plants, animals, and even people. Likewise I personally have felt like circumstances were as unyielding as the sun beating down outside. Our foster placement has brought unimaginable conditions; wounds once considered healed were ripped open, daily stressors magnified. This in turn rendered the daily task of dealing with children who need so much almost overwhelming, draining the life from me until I no longer feel as if I have anything to give.  Pain has been my constant companion at times, emotional turmoil a certain thing; uncertainty as sure as the scorching heat and lack of rain. Every day is an effort to sustain some sense of normalcy.  

As I look at the date, I realize that fall’s arrival is imminent; less than a month away by calendar days. I do not yet know what it will hold. Will it bring with its cooler temperatures some relief to my life? Will the ever shortening days become longer, or will respite be found in the cool of the abridged daylight? Only God knows. I do not say this in a flippant manner; ultimately all is up to Him, and I know that whatever the coming months hold, He is in control,  a fact I would do well to remember when I feel as if I am that sun scorched land in dire need of a drink.  

My weary soul longs for rest, for the calm of the cool, yet I know ultimately that my rest is in Him; my heart’s cry that of the Psalmist in Psalm 143:8 “Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.” So no matter what the rest of this year holds, fall and then our return to winter, I will look to Him as my strength because only He can sustain me through the seasons no matter what their conditions.

Show me, Lord, which way I should go.

Women of Faith

A few years ago I was fortunate enough to receive tickets to a Women of Faith event; at that point in time I had never been, was a newlywed, and didn’t really know anyone to go with, so I spent the first night carpooling with a lady I didn’t know (which was interesting) and the second day with my mother-in-law (good bonding experience).

I had a really good time, but have not been back. All that changes this weekend.

A few weeks ago, I received an email from Booksneeze, which is a book review program for bloggers that I joined a while back. As I mentioned in my last post, I have a separate blog for all of my book reviews, mainly because I started doing that before I decided to be a real blogger and was still pretty much in hiding. Anyway… this email stated that they were going to be selecting individuals to attend the Women of Faith conference for free to blog about it, so I figured why not, what’s it going to hurt! A few weeks later I was notified that I had been selected.

As a result, this weekend will be way fun for me. My sister, who is also pretty much my best friend is joining me, and I can’t wait to experience this conference with her- it certainly comes at a good time for both of us, and will be a most welcome “girls” weekend- there will  most definitely more to come! 

Book Review- Love You More: The Divine Surprise of Adopting My Daughter

 Normally all my book reviews are on a separate blog, created just for that purpose but I recently read a book that I had to share over here! The book is called Love You More: The Divine Surprise of Adopting My Daughter by Jennifer Grant. In it, Grant expresses feelings I have certainly encountered along our journey, both infertility and adoption. At one point I was reading aloud to my husband in wholehearted agreement with the paragraph I was on!  Here's what I posted on my book blog: 

"Most of us could point out someone we have encountered who has adopted. Adoption has certainly become more and more prevalent and even accepted in our society, but is still somewhat shrouded in mystery, largely misunderstood; the trials an adoptive family faces unlike any other.

Love You More: The Divine Surprise of Adopting My Daughter is the story of the author, Jennifer Grant, and her family as they adopt a baby girl from Guatemala. In it, Grant details her feelings regarding many of the hurdles that adoptive families face, from the mounds of paperwork, the inquisitions into their personal lives through the home study process, and even the strenuous time of waiting for that beloved and much anticipated child to be found and cleared to come “home”.  She also deals with post adoption struggles such as blending your family, helping the child adjust to their new environment and the emotional encounter that adoption sometimes is.

Being that my husband and I are in the process of adopting, I found this book very poignant and refreshing. I loved her openness and honesty about adoption, and especially her sensitivity towards those, who like me have chosen adoption after battling infertility. Even in the early stages of our adoption process, and in spite of the fact that we are adopting from the foster system rather than internationally, I can certainly echo her sentiments on many points, even reading parts to my husband, declaring this book one of my new favorites. Thanks Thomas Nelson for the opportunity to read this book for free through the Booksneeze blogger program!"

After reading this book I would certainly encourage you to find a copy for yourself- I think it's worth the time!  

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from the publisher through the BookSneeze®.com <http://BookSneeze®.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 <http://www.access.gpo.gov/nara/cfr/waisidx_03/16cfr255_03.html> : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

I remember when...

It’s hard to believe that our first baby would have been a year old sometime this past week had all gone as planned. It’s also difficult to swallow the fact that I could be approximately a month from delivering our second child.

Where has the time gone?

I still wonder what they would have looked like; would he or she have had my hair, or my husband’s eyes? Would they both have been boys, both girls, or one of each? What would their personalities have been like? Reserved? Quiet? Life of the party?

I miss them both.

Sometimes I forget that we’ve been down this road already, that it’s old hat now. That I’ve already celebrated a passed due date and survived, and I’ll do the same again.

Yet the longing to know my children remains.

Life goes on however, and I can’t stop living in today because of what happened yesterday, or the days before that for that matter. I can only live in hope of the promise that God has made, knowing that He is faithful and even on days when the memories are so fresh you can almost taste them, He is still in control. That He knows how pain and suffering feel and was willing to share in mine. That He understands my desires and is able to fulfill those wishes in His perfect timing. And above all, He knows what is best for me and will ultimately fulfill that plan, even when I don’t see it. His blessings are often not what I perceive, His ways higher than mine. So while it may be melancholy to remember all that has seemingly been lost, I know it is not for naught.

For all that, I’ll always be thankful.