Weather used to be something that people employed as a conversation starter, small talk of sorts when there was nothing else to say. These days, it is a legitimate topic of interest, something that impacts us all. For me, this entire year has often seemed to mirror the seasons outside my window, each one being that of mere survival, making it from one to the other, holding on tightly, anticipating what may be around the next curve.
Our year started with a winter in our area that brought some weather that was extremely cold, shutting down our entire metropolis for several days. Personally, this year commenced bleak and cold, winter’s icy tendrils attempting to overtake more than just the outside world. It was also a time of rebuilding, restoration, renewed hope in spite of the circumstances that surrounded as we ended our journey of infertility treatments following my second miscarriage and entered the foster/adopt path.
Spring arrived early, almost before the devastation that winter had wreaked could pass. It too was a time of anticipation as we prepared for our potential children, decorating their room, putting the crib together, dreaming and imagining what our life could soon be. It was a time of completion as we fulfilled all the requirements to be a foster/adopt family, receiving our license, permission to become parents via this avenue.
Summer too dawned early bringing with it a scorching heat that was relentless and has not yet seen relief. Hot days became hotter, becoming almost unbearable at times, often to the detriment of plants, animals, and even people. Likewise I personally have felt like circumstances were as unyielding as the sun beating down outside. Our foster placement has brought unimaginable conditions; wounds once considered healed were ripped open, daily stressors magnified. This in turn rendered the daily task of dealing with children who need so much almost overwhelming, draining the life from me until I no longer feel as if I have anything to give. Pain has been my constant companion at times, emotional turmoil a certain thing; uncertainty as sure as the scorching heat and lack of rain. Every day is an effort to sustain some sense of normalcy.
As I look at the date, I realize that fall’s arrival is imminent; less than a month away by calendar days. I do not yet know what it will hold. Will it bring with its cooler temperatures some relief to my life? Will the ever shortening days become longer, or will respite be found in the cool of the abridged daylight? Only God knows. I do not say this in a flippant manner; ultimately all is up to Him, and I know that whatever the coming months hold, He is in control, a fact I would do well to remember when I feel as if I am that sun scorched land in dire need of a drink.
My weary soul longs for rest, for the calm of the cool, yet I know ultimately that my rest is in Him; my heart’s cry that of the Psalmist in Psalm 143:8 “Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul.” So no matter what the rest of this year holds, fall and then our return to winter, I will look to Him as my strength because only He can sustain me through the seasons no matter what their conditions.
Show me, Lord, which way I should go.
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