Discoveries

In recent days, I have been working on photo books for our two foster boys, one, so we will have them on hand should circumstances rapidly change and they be returned to biological family, and two, because a couple of weeks ago, within a matter of a few days, I received coupons for two free books! Definitely a deal I couldn't pass up!

I worked on the book for the younger of the two first, mainly because I had already started his. I also assumed that it would be the easier of the two from an emotional standpoint (he's my baby) and because I have far more good pictures of him; he's just that photogenic!

Today, I began to work on the one for our older son. I honestly cannot say that I was looking forward to the experience. I wasn't dreading it either, but I just wasn't super excited about the prospect of spending my time that way. Needless to say, I was pleasantly surprised with the product, and what I came to realize as a result of my efforts.

It's been no secret that our oldest has had some trouble, and that I for one, have not always handled his pain well, or even at all. He struggles often, unable to contain the fury that rages within him. He rages in a manner that grates on me, resulting in a tumultuous relationship between us at the very least.  It has certainly been difficult.

Today, however was different.

As I worked on his book, I realized that I really do love him, that the words "I love you" are not just something that I say; I really do mean it. That he is "my boy", as I am always calling him. That he is a part of my family, and that I wouldn't know what to do without him in my home.

I realize that the change of heart was certainly a God thing; only He can take the aching hearts of two of His children and graft them together in such a wonderful manner. This change comes after much prayer, on my part as well as that of many others. It is also a work in progress.

I'm sure there will be many more difficult days ahead. Fostering/adopting is not for the faint of heart. But I do know that no matter what happens, with these boys or with any other children who may enter our home, that God is in control, and by His grace, we can live in peaceful harmony together, loving each other in spite of what life throws at us.

So excused me while I go find "My boy." He needs a hug!