The last few days I have been contemplating our current status as far as children goes. We are again faced with waiting, wondering whether the children we are currently fostering will eventually be ours, as well as speculating what will happen as far as biology goes. As I thought about it, I realized that once again, we are in a place of decision, and I really don’t know where to go, or what to do, only that I must trust God, and Him alone in this situation.
As I thought about the journey that we’ve been on, from the beginning, I came to the conclusion that it has been a road full of cliffs. Cliffs that we have had to jump off, not just observe. Some of them have been easier than others, nonetheless, these cliffs, in my opinion, have not been beautiful, spectacular, or wonderful to look at, at least not as we were facing them. They were, and still are, scary, dark, treacherous, and full of the unknown.
Some of the cliffs we’ve faced-
*Going off birth control
* Making initial contact with medical professionals because things were not returning "normal" physically like they should
*Realizing that we needed more help than originally anticipated- something really is wrong
*Calling the Fertility specialist
*Beginning specialized tests to understand what is causing the hold up
*Scheduling surgery
*Losing two babies
*Having surgery
*Lots of monitoring
*Using medicated cycles
*Deciding how far is too far for us as far as fertility treatment goes
*Choosing to foster adopt
*Ultimately choosing to trust God, rather than doctors or medications for the children we would love to have
Some of the cliffs we’ve faced have been higher than others, but each one was as scary as the previous. Why? Because we’ve never seen the bottom before we jump off.
You see, each of these cliffs is a challenge, a test of our faith in God. When we jump off, it must be in full reliance on Him not on our own strength. He already knows what the whole picture looks like, and shows us in pieces.
He gently calls us to trust Him with everything we are, to step of that precipice into the safety of His waiting arms. Unfortunately, I usually am suspicious of the cliff itself, rather than seeing that God is faithfully standing there, waiting on me to step off.
Now while the cliffs seem to be never ending, in reality, they are only a small jump, a little stepping stone to what He has in store for me. If only I will trust…
So here’s my challenge for the time being; whole heartedly stepping of the cliffs that come, straight into the arms of my savior, following where he leads, knowing that He has me in His hand the entire way.
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